We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
