I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
