Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
