Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
