In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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