just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize