In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
of course. lets lasso hookers.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
