hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
