Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
