Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
