dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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