You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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