that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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