We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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