I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
