The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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