Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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