i think my tv is drunk
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
