I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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