I can text with my tongue
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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