VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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