Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Drake has all the answers
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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