I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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