yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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