Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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