But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
