What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
