im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
