Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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