An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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