I haven't been this sober since birth.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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