addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
