Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
