Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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