If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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