I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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