with your own penis?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
