I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
