My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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