How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Its about making memories worth repressing
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
