Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
