i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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