atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
