after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
