If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
