he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
