my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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