so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
