he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sext me about skeletons
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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