We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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