Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here