Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  It breaks. We fall.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?

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  (443): So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in. (443): It breaks. We fall. (443): I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys? http://tfl.nu/201c
  Replies (14) Good night (504) Bad night (3074)
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  (818): View more from California

  Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"

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  (818): Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is" http://tfl.nu/fthj
  Replies (43) Good night (7407) Bad night (1925)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.

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  (757): ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work. http://tfl.nu/i4i5
  Replies (13) Good night (1058) Bad night (3797)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  there were more penises there than on chat roulette

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  (571): there were more penises there than on chat roulette http://tfl.nu/5x41
  Replies (22) Good night (1178) Bad night (3372)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.

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  (605): For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell. http://tfl.nu/5mii
  Replies (7) Good night (3430) Bad night (1501)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites

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  (785): Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites http://tfl.nu/fquq
  Replies (21) Good night (8912) Bad night (1124)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?

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  (727): did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday? http://tfl.nu/6s83
  Replies (1) Good night (1073) Bad night (970)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out

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  (814): Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out http://tfl.nu/m2bp
  Replies (6) Good night (1601) Bad night (508)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?

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  (785): She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right? http://tfl.nu/iw36
  Replies (20) Good night (3464) Bad night (1105)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic

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  (862): woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic http://tfl.nu/zfxf
  Replies (5) Good night (2230) Bad night (636)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Do you know how to give stiches?

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  I do not...this text concerns me

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  (612): Do you know how to give stiches? (1-612): I do not...this text concerns me http://tfl.nu/8jm1
  Replies (5) Good night (1689) Bad night (591)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.

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  (708): Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here. http://tfl.nu/8u6g
  Replies (3) Good night (783) Bad night (516)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...

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  (423): Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple... http://tfl.nu/apqw
  Replies (2) Good night (615) Bad night (305)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.

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  (816): I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo. http://tfl.nu/f2jj
  Replies (8) Good night (548) Bad night (256)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle

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  (905): I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle http://tfl.nu/bb9s
  Replies (2) Good night (562) Bad night (158)

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