he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.