I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT