Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
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The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.