I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.