i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?