Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine

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(515): does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine http://tfl.nu/uuy6

Replies (2) Good night (1169) Bad night (570)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.

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(215): I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons. (267): I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner. http://tfl.nu/vxtv

Replies (12) Good night (1162) Bad night (4663)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.

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(859): make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through. http://tfl.nu/bvv7

Replies (20) Good night (7216) Bad night (672)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.

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(847): Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself. http://tfl.nu/r7wv

Replies (7) Good night (5823) Bad night (689)
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(313): View more from Michigan

An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....

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(313): An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it.... http://tfl.nu/pvzg

Replies (8) Good night (1001) Bad night (2655)
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(602): View more from Arizona

If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!

(623): View more from Arizona

It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...

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(602): If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection! (623): It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now... http://tfl.nu/u3ol

Replies (6) Good night (2505) Bad night (775)
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(330): View more from Ohio

They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.

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(330): They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared. http://tfl.nu/tvlx

Replies (3) Good night (1435) Bad night (715)
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(516): View more from New York

He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this

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(516): He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this http://tfl.nu/b4ty

Replies (8) Good night (3040) Bad night (1072)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.

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(306): You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons. http://tfl.nu/ly4h

Replies (4) Good night (1363) Bad night (758)
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(512): View more from Texas

I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.

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(512): I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you. http://tfl.nu/ug9a

Replies (6) Good night (480) Bad night (852)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.

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(401): He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached. http://tfl.nu/uw2g

Replies (1) Good night (748) Bad night (326)
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(256): View more from Alabama

Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.

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(256): Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool. http://tfl.nu/26ob

Replies (4) Good night (257) Bad night (761)
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(801): View more from Utah

Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there

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(801): Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there http://tfl.nu/7057

Replies (3) Good night (477) Bad night (319)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds

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(609): I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds http://tfl.nu/e8hx

Replies (4) Good night (546) Bad night (259)
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(713): View more from Texas

He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.

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(713): He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life. http://tfl.nu/tix1

Replies (2) Good night (448) Bad night (219)

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