Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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