$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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