Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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