Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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