Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
