Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize