Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
