He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
