I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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